May Those Above Judge Me

Damn them. Damn them all! My heart just sank upon hearing the terrible news of the Stormcloaks' attack on my beloved Whiterun. To compound to my shame, the courier had already run off to who-knows-what destination before I can take back the letter I had written for that wretched Kousei. He was in that battle, that much was plain. Our sources specifically stated that someone who could use the Thu'um took part in the fight to take the city, and they weren't referring to Ulfric Stormcloak either.

Jarl Elisif and Falk Firebeard begged me to stay in Solitude and officially lend my aid to the Legion right then and there, but I had to go back to Whiterun and see the scale of the damage myself. Even at that moment, I still hoped. Hoped that perhaps it was all just a rumor. Hoped that they were wrong about Kousei. But only a fool would hope for that, as I learned later on.

Not even seen the worst of it yet.

Tears came to my eyes when I saw how Whiterun had changed. Smoke still rose from the ashes of several ruined houses even though the siege was completed several days ago. The beautiful Gildergreen was spared, thankfully, even though sections of the park lay in ruins. I sought out my young daughter at once, and I cried out in relief to see that she was safe. Lucia clung on to me for a while, refusing to let go. And so I spent the night with her in Breezehome, humming songs to her like my own mother did when I was upset. It assuaged Lucia's grief a little. If only I could say the same for mine.

War children.

It took me until the next morning to get myself composed enough to finally enter Dragonsreach. I stared blankly at Vignar Gray-Mane sitting on Jarl Balgruuf the Greater's throne. He wasted no time bragging about how glorious the Stormcloaks were when they took Whiterun, especially showering praise on the formidable ally of theirs who could well be the Dragonborn of legend. At that moment, my heart turned to stone. I wasn't there to protect my beloved Whiterun. I wasn't there to help protect Jarl Balgruuf.

No.

I was lured out of it. That damned Redguard tricked me out of it all.

I hope your thirst for blood has been satisfied, Kousei.

I rushed back to Solitude as quickly as Arvak can take me and wasted no time demanding an audience with General Tullius in Castle Dour. He was a little irritated at the intrusion, but he stopped his complaints upon seeing me. Clearly, he never thought he'd cross paths again with the Imperial prisoner who was unlucky enough to be caught in the same ambush that temporarily put Ulfric Stormcloak in chains.

And another of those prisoners is on the other side of the War!

When he asked about my purpose for wanting to talk to him, I went straight to the point and told him that I wished to enlist in the Legion. The General took a moment to consult with his second-in-command, the Nord Legate Rikke, who encouraged him to accept me as part of their ranks. They have received word from Jarl Elisif herself about my recent feat against Queen Potema's shade. If I have her trust, then the Legion would benefit from me too.

"Good feelings" are hard to come by these days.

Assured of my credentials, General Tullius told me of the oath I should take to complete my initiation into the Legion. I took a deep breath before I confirmed my readiness. No turning back now.

I am more for the citizens than for the Emperor.

As I repeated the General's words, I thought about how I delayed choosing sides in this cursed war for Kousei's sake. I knew he was already a full-fledged Stormcloak ever since we began our correspondence, and I was afraid of driving a chasm too deep to be crossed between us. I loved him. I really did! And all my misplaced trust landed Whiterun right in Stormcloak hands. I can just imagine how he will mock and spit upon my words of love when my letter -- perhaps the last letter I'll ever send -- reaches him. Did he ever love me? Perhaps he did, but it was not enough for him to abandon the Stormcloak cause. Maybe he stopped loving me the moment he uncovered my Nightingale identity. Once a thief, always a thief -- those were his own words! Even worse, maybe he had always held my Imperial heritage against me. In that case, he is no different from those fanatic traitors in Riften.

Sounds like some prophecy.

Once I have finished saying the oath, General Tullius stopped a moment to ponder on what next action to take. My level of skill, especially in stealth, was beyond that of a regular soldier. He then permitted me to bypass the initial rank of Auxillary and straight into one of the higher ranks. I am a Legionnaire now, and there is a war to be fought.

Does the Legion have any sniper positions open?

Too long, I have allowed myself to be swayed by a false front. Should my blade cross his in the field of battle, all the better. No more pretending. If it's Imperial blood he wants, he will have to get through me first. May those above judge me, and those below take me, if I fail in my duty.

- Kiya