Footprints in the Sand

These past few days have been the most quiet days since I arrived in Skyrim. All the bloodshed, the politicking, the dragons... all those seem distant memories for now. Everything is quiet. Everything is--seems, rather--all right in the world. 

Delphine urged us to meet her in Riverwood to find out what she found out. We could have traveled with her the rest of the way, but she spurred her horse ahead of us. All the better, I guess. Kiya and I needed the time alone together before we face even greater challenges than the Civil War. 

I was quiet as we made our way to Windhelm. We drank our potions before we made our way past the city and into the river, and followed its icy path. We endured the cold as we swam across to reach the College of Winterhold, and us being their students once, we spent the night drying our armor and weapons up, as well as sharing the warmth we missed during those months spent apart. We might as well not have stopped in the journey, as we were exhausted as the moment we stepped on the College earlier.

By dawn, our feet were already treading the thick snow from the fall last night. Kiya led the way, and she seemed eager to be in this area. She wanted to show me something, I guessed. She took my hand and started running. I thought about the time when my werewolf form caught up to her--that might be the only time that I'll be as quick as she is. Fortunately, she held her pace so I can keep up, and the Frostflow lighthouse came into view. "It's cold," she said, smiling, "We should go inside." And so we did.

For an abandoned lighthouse, Frostflow was clean and well-maintained. I looked around it as if  it was the first time I saw a civilized home. I gave Kiya a puzzled look, and she looked at me, still smiling. She was the one who takes care of everything here from time to time, she explained. A Redguard family was killed by Chaurus and Falmer, she said, and only the woman's body was not dragged down to the abyss below. She said it reminded her of me, that she did not want such a fate. I kissed her before tears fell from her eyes, and we laid down on the bedroll she had prepared.

Who's who?

It was early morning when Kiya urged me to get up and move. It was the first time I smelled burnt ground and flesh from afar, and Kiya did not seem to notice. We moved, however, closer to the source of the smell, and it was then I realized that she had led me to a grave of some sort. A burnt body knelt at the middle of the ground near the shore, and a few books were scattered. Kiya moved around the place with familiarity, and I sensed that she has been here before. A single body with a lot of books that all burned with such force... could it be Yisra? Kiya read my thoughts. "Yes, this is Yisra, my love. We should pay our respects, for she made it possible for us to be together again. I have only seen this site from the Lighthouse, and now is the perfect time to put her to rest properly." I dug on the ground near the shore so that water will be close to her body. It might mean something in the afterlife, but I would not know. We said a few prayers to the gods, and moved on.

She should have tried her spell on the water.

As we traveled along the coastline, I could feel Kiya's eyes were on me. We've been feeling especially fond of each other this journey back to Riverwood. I decided I was going to lead the way this time, towards my home in Windstad. "We're going to Windstad, Kiya," I said, as we walked. "Your daughter's there. She'll be happy to see you again." She was quiet. She pulled my hand towards the right, and started running. We came upon a tent, and she urged me in. "I want to thank you, Kousei, for doing everything," she said. She kissed me torridly, and I kissed her back.

"It's cold out, we should head back inside."

It was already afternoon when we emerged from the tent. We had to run now, before darkness falls. It was dangerously close to a full moon, too, so we had to find safety in Windstad. 

We avoided Dawnstar altogether, because we had no time to drink our potions and hide ourselves in public. Instead, we swam across the bay to get to the swampy area of Windstad. There, we found Lucia all by herself outside, thinking deeply. Her eyes looked up, and saw Kiya. "MAMA!" she screamed, and came running towards Kiya. She hugged her mommy even if she got wet doing so. Kiya's eyes filled to the brim with tears. She looked at me as droplets hugged the contour of her beautiful face, and whispered a thank you. I nodded, and proceeded to walk inside the mansion to let them share that moment together.

The mother and daughter, reunited.

She might have seen me in the swamp.

And here I am now, thinking to myself atop the Windstad mansion. Days have been quiet, almost as if to say these are the last. The calm before the storm. We should be enjoying what we have here and now. When Delphine tells us what she knows soon, Kiya and I will be certain we will be in the middle of it, and we will look back to these quiet days to remind us of what we aim for in the battle against the dragons.

The Phantom Hunt in the Skies

My dearest Snow Wolf,

I couldn't help but chuckle a little when I read your last letter. To be honest, I already had a hunch about your little furry secret even before the Civil War ended, but I never thought I could confirm it. Thank you for telling me though, and if anything, it has made me love you more. I promise I'll keep it a secret, and I'll help you maintain your cover to the best of my abilities. I would no longer be surprised if we couldn't share the same covers when the moon is full. I would still love to glimpse your other form though, even if only from a distance.

Anyhow, I'm still in a bit of a shock regarding what just happened in Kynesgrove. I already noticed things were eerily quiet as we neared the little settlement, but the silence was broken by the unmistakable sound of a dragon roar in the distance. Delphine was already waiting for us at the entrance of Kynesgrove, and one of the residents was with her. Iddra was visibly panicking; it was a miracle she got to describe what was happening.

What were YOU doing near that dragon mound in the first place?

We sprinted as fast as we could to the old dragon mound. I felt my heart skip a few beats when I saw the dark form hovering about it. It was him, that same dov who attacked Helgen, and indirectly (and ironically) spared us from a certain death.

You sure know how to pick a dramatic setting, my pretty.

In hindsight, it's certainly queer that we didn't draw our weapons the instant we saw Alduin -- we now know that's the dark dragon's name, thanks to the direct verification of his underling. I don't know if you agree with me, but there's something about him that commands authority like no other race of Tamriel can. We were confused as to what he's doing at that moss-covered mound, until he spoke and summoned the mound's inhabitant from its death slumber. I had to blink several times just to make sure my eyes were not deceiving me. Sahloknir, that Ancient Dragon, had truly risen from the grave.

It's a Franken-dragon!

Our knowledge of the dragon language is still shaky at its best, but thanks to our combined efforts, we were able to piece together what Sahloknir and his overlord were probably saying. They did not seem to be mindful of our presence, until Alduin turned and looked at me directly with his blood-red eyes. Dovahkiin -- your voice shines not from Dragonkind, but from yourself. His words still echo in my mind even now. Does he recognize that I also carry his wings, even though they're hidden at the time due to the potion?

Unkilling ancient powers of kings.

Uh, hi? I know you're talking to me now.

I do not know, but I wanna learn!

But it would be foolish to think that he'd let us off the hook so easily, because he promptly ordered Sahloknir to dispose of us while he took his leave. You shouted at me to go after Alduin while you, Delphine, and your summons (I really commend your Conjuration abilities, Kousei) distracted Sahloknir, but he proved to be an especially tough foe to handle. Despite the years he spent as a skeleton underground, he apparently retained much of the might he had during his first life. He blocked my path whenever I tried to get away and chase his master. I soon realized I couldn't catch up to Alduin at that point, and so I began to fight him for real.

Spending centuries buried six feet under has not improved his mood.

I had not used the Thu'um in a very long time, but the first words that left my lips in that spur of the moment were the syllables of Durnehviir's name. I gave a hasty apology for summoning him at a less-than-peaceful situation, but he simply thanked me for the mere act of summoning before chasing Sahloknir back to the skies. Dragon against Dragon against Dragonborn... it's been a while since I had a good battle, and all the College's teachings seem to be paying off in the fight.

The used-to-be-dead (or soon-to-be-dead-again) and the undead.

Team effort.

It took the combined efforts of my magic, Durnehviir's Thu'um, Delphine's attacks, your blade, and your conjured creatures to take Sahloknir down. Nonetheless, I drew a katana at the last minute and dealt the deathblow myself. Please don't tell it to anyone, my love, and don't think too badly of me for saying this... but I actually felt a heaviness in my chest as I struck Sahloknir down. I met his eyes before the life went out of them once more, and I saw a soul -- a same soul as ours, a soul I later absorbed. I reckon anyone in his right mind who trapped a sentient's soul in a Black Soul Gem would feel the same thing. I really don't know how I can continue doing this, but for the sake of Tamriel, I will keep these sentiments hidden.

You're seriously asking for a smack on the head.

Delphine, seeing how I absorbed Sahloknir's soul, addressed me directly. She was still queerly cold to you, but she became considerably more amiable where I was concerned. We wanted answers, and I obtained them from her. Apparently, she was a member of a group who called themselves the Blades, who protected the line of Septim Emperors and the Dragonborn before the Thalmor hunted them down to obscurity.

Gone with the Septims.

Love, are you really convinced by Delphine's hunch that the Thalmor are behind the return of dragons? While her argument has some merit, I am taking it with a grain of salt. Sure, the chaos in Skyrim and Tamriel brought about by the dragons' return could benefit only the Thalmor, but I can't help but think Delphine's bitterness towards the Justiciars are narrowing her mind a little. Don't get me wrong, Kousei. Despite my association with those whom you call your enemy, I dislike the Thalmor as much as anyone else. If there's anything that binds Ulfric Stormcloak and General Tullius together, it's their hatred of the Thalmor. But back to the story, I am not convinced that the High Elves are behind this. We've been around dragons long enough to glimpse a bit into their nature, and what we know is that they care little for petty Thalmor bribes.

Relying on your gut to think instead of your mind can only take you so far.

Delphine was soon talking about infiltrating the Thalmor Embassy of Skyrim, but thankfully she wasn't one to simply jump into such an endeavor without a laid-out plan first. She requested us to give her some time to think, and I was more than happy to give it to her. I'm glad we're rid of her for now. But you really made my mood brighten when you asked me if I wanted to see Lucia again. It's quite a way to Windstad, and it may be a challenge to sneak me incognito into your home, but it's a risk I have to take. I've missed my daughter. And perhaps, even though it will take some time before we are bound together in Mara's eyes, I can convince her to treat you like the father she deserves to have.

Love,

Yisra

The Man Who Cried Wolf

Dear Yisra,

The moment I saw you again in Riverwood made me realize that I cannot risk losing you again. I am writing this letter to tell you the one thing I have kept from you all this time, for your sake and ours. It is time for us to be honest to each other, because what lies ahead of us might cost us our lives, and I will not be able to bear the guilt if I had not told you.

Your wings did not surprise me. By the time the Greybeards had told me there was another Dragonborn, I could not help but think it is possibly you. I did not want to think that, however, for that would mean your life is in danger even more than it was before. We did not even have to talk about it since meeting once again, for it was fairly obvious that we were the only ones with wings. I am afraid for you, however. I know you might be feeling the same way because our task is extremely dangerous, but we can only hope that the Stormcloaks get out of our way until we finish dealing with the dragons. 

You deserve to know what I had been up to since I left Solitude burning. I had joined the Companions, a group of mercenaries fighting for money. I became one of them, and they treated me as brothers. You know this very well, if you have read my past letters. I left out one thing, however: they are more than brothers to me. They invited me to join them, be their blood-kin. To be a Werewolf.

Some things must be going through your mind right now. It makes sense now that once, you thought you were hidden really well and I could still detect you, yes? That even with your shadow-like armor, I could still follow you at night without tripping on rocks or hitting trees. That you had to change your scent to hide from me when I was in Riften. I knew that scent was familiar, but I do not know what it was. I did not think it was possible to change someone's scent. You outsmarted me.

Apart from that, I can call on ethereal werewolves to fight by my side, but they neither cast destruction nor healed me. I always welcome their company in a battle, though.

I keep trying, but it seems they can't talk.

 I wish you'd be able to ask me to transform into a werewolf, turn around, and wait for me to do so, but I will decline such request. Whenever I'm in my feral state, I lose all inhibitions. I attack anybody and anyone, looking to eat their meat for my own gains. I run where no one is around when the moon is high and bright before I transform. You might have even heard of my howls. It is not a pretty sight. Thus, I will only be showing you illuminations I took when I transformed once at will, in broad daylight. I hope you won't be disappointed.

"Heyyyy, baby, don't be mad."

It is quite painful to transform from a human being to a ferocious werewolf. My equipment and bags fall off, making them available for thieves to take for free. The skin on my arms rip from my fingertips to the shoulders and are replaced with fur from underneath. I could feel my head elongate, my nose turning to a snout along with my mouth, and my teeth turn to fangs. You can just look at the illumination I took, just in case you're curious.

Disgusting.

Where did all that equipment go?

I do hope that this revelation would not bring us apart again, only closer. We are both wild animals at heart, and I can feel it whenever we're together. You know I love you always, my dearest nightingale.

Love Lost and Found

My beloved Kousei,

It feels surreal to be writing to you again, but it fills me with happiness to finally get to do so once more. I admit I have been trailing you for some time, and it was by some stroke of luck (or fate, perhaps) that your travels brought you to Riverwood, where we first met.

Oh, how the trees have grown.

I had already stopped trying to hide my scent from you, but apparently it would take some time before the mixture is thoroughly purged from my systems. I dropped an Ancient Nord Sword on the roadside, just like I did before. But you did not seem to get the hint, because you charged at me with your weapon drawn. Although I hated it, I had to resort to my most powerful fire spell to push you back. And just our luck, the effects of my wing-suppressant potion were wearing off at the time. I removed my hood and mask to show you who I really was.

You can go no further!

You were too shocked to get up, so I had to help you back on your feet. You had not spoken all this time, but you finally whispered my name. I can discern the confusion and questions written in your eyes. However, one thing shone out clearly. It was the look of love I'd have given the whole of Tamriel to see again.

I missed you too.

I pulled you to the small camp I've set up in the woods. Serana helped me with it before she finally agreed to part ways with me. She would not stand between us, she said. She never doubted that you would protect me to the best of your abilities, and I can affirm to it now.

In the shadows of the trees, we reacquainted ourselves with the map of our bodies, and the pleasure that came with it. Wrapped in nothing but our wings and shared warmth, we talked for a long time. You wanted to hear the whole story of what I've been doing all this time, and I was happy to oblige you. The color change in my eyes, my brief sanctuary among my fellow Nightingales, my transformation to my current identity... there was much to say. When you asked me why I changed my mind about running from you, I simply said that I make mistakes as well. I remarked that I was wrong to think that you wanted me dead, to which you answered by pulling me even closer.

"Ulfric Stormcloak will never have your head while I still draw breath," you whispered with an intensity I've never encountered before. I looked at you, and saw how much you've changed. My heart broke a little, because I knew I also played a part in your pain. I was already a master healer by the College's standards, but even I do not possess a spell to instantly heal such hurts. I was just relieved you've kept your heart open to me.

What else have you been keeping here?

As we were getting dressed, you asked to see the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller before we deliver it the Greybeards. I frowned in confusion, and expressed that I do not have any such horn in my possession.

"Didn't you leave a note in Ustengrav to meet me in Riverwood's only inn?" you said, equally perplexed. "I assumed you already had the horn."

I asked to be shown the note, and you gave me a book. As I recall, you kept the note tucked inside to keep it from getting crumpled. I read it several times, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not remember having written it down, or even going to Ustengrav to plant it. The realization that the note was sent by someone else drove us to go to Riverwood and find out the truth. But not before I drank another dose of Master Tolfdir's concoction to hide my wings. I offered you a swig, but you declined.

"You need it far more than I do, love," you whispered, smiling a little.

We'll make ourselves at home, all right.

The innkeeper, Delphine, was at the Alchemy table when we got to the Sleeping Giant. I knew something was off when she informed us that they had no attic room, and instead instructed us to go to one of the unoccupied guest quarters. Having no choice, we entered the room and resolved to come up with our next plan of action. However, we'd barely settled down when Delphine opened the door (without even knocking -- thank the Divines we still had our armor on) and muttered about finally meeting the Dragonborn. And lo and behold, in her hands was the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller! My eyes narrowed a little at how she glared at you when you retrieved the horn. Why the look of disgust, I wonder? But I kept silent; Delphine wants to talk to us somewhere more private.

I'll hear you out or take you out.

She took us to the hidden basement of the Sleeping Giant Inn. She told us about how she's secretly part of a certain group that reveres the Dragonborn as the ultimate dragonslayer, and how they've been hoping to recruit the current one (ones, as she's come to learn) to uncover the truth behind the dragons' return. Although I'm as interested to know the truth behind the dov's recent activities, the fact that she called us "dragonslayer" left a rather sour taste in my mouth. Furthermore, Delphine's subtle jabs against the Greybeards made me like her less and less every minute. When she told us to accompany her to Kynesgrove and destroy a dragon to prove our Dragonborn abilities, I told her that we'd get to that when we're ready.

When she was out of earshot, you asked me quietly why I refused to go with Delphine at once. Yes, my Kousei, I know as well as you that we could handle a dragon together any time. But if there's one thing that hadn't changed, it's my unease with the cold-hearted battles against the creatures that have the same soul as ours.

Wisely does not include Shouting the previous High King to pieces, no?

At my insistence, we ascended back to the Greybeards' monastery in the Throat of the World so we can return the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller. Arngeir was delighted to see the artifact, and even more when he realized it was retrieved by the joint effort of the two Dragonborn. He called the rest of his brothers to the hall and made us stand in the center. As a reward, we were allowed to learn the final Word of Unrelenting Force. While I was grateful, I know you'd be able to make use of it more than me. To a degree, I still do not use the Thu'um unless I really have to.

But you've been greeting us all this time!

After we were imparted with the Word, the Greybeards officially recognized us as Dovahkiin. The ground shook as we received their greeting. I toppled down several times, but was otherwise unhurt. You helped steady me when it was over, and Arngeir allowed us to go to the courtyard and take a fresh breath. Nothing like the pure mountain air in refreshing the senses.

No post-Dovahkiin greeting party?

We walked together a short way from the monastery. The sun was already setting, and we had to don our fur-lined hoods to guard against the cold. But the view was too beautiful to miss. Furthermore, we were together to share the sight. Imagine my surprise when you suddenly reached into your travel pack and retrieved an Amulet of Mara. You've been waiting for this moment, you said. It made me bleed inside to decline your offer, but I could not marry you under a false identity. I would not allow history to write down that you married a person who's not the love of your life.

Now we just need some wine to cap it all off.

I can feel your trembling rage as I voiced my reasons. You refused to look at me for a while, but eventually, you took my hand and kissed it. As you pressed my fingers against your cheek, I can see that you were smiling again.

"You know you're the only one I'd wed," you said, your resolve returned. "I will do anything to let you walk Skyrim again without having to hide. I vow this in the name of Talos."

I rested my head on your shoulder after we kissed in the fading light. I do not know yet how we'll achieve what we really want together, but we will. We have found each other again, and I will fight to save our bond if that's the last thing I have to do.

Yours now and always,

Yisra

A Horn for Hope

Riverwood's still far from here, but it does not matter. I am traveling as fast I could, as I did when I ran away from home and those corrupt guards. Kiya's waiting for me. I wondered what changed her mind. Was it because the College told her of my visit there and my pleading to the Arch-Mage? Or did her thieving friends tell her I stayed on their front door until she showed up? 

In any case, what is important is that she's changed her mind. I will see to it that Ulfric will not get to her. Her child needs her. I need her. 

All this would not have happened if it were not for the threat of the dragons. Descending from the College of Winterhold, I resolved to retrieve the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller for the Greybeards. It was a long journey to get to the tombs, but I needed to finish this, having no leads on Kiya's whereabouts. Kiya might not be aware of the impending doom of Skyrim, thus I need to do this on my own for now.

Immediately Necromancers and their skeletal friends greeted me. I greeted them back with my weapons, tearing them apart limb from limb. It was not a surprise the tomb was riddled with Necromancers and the undead. I have never tried necromancy myself even if I have sufficient knowledge of Conjuration--if I did, I would have Kiya cut my head off.

Guess the burning thing.

Draugr of the strongest kinds filled the tombs, too, keeping the horn well-protected. However, with my newly-casted Storm Thralls, I had no problem dispatching them. I charge, get around them to force them to turn around, and they fight me with their backs turned to the Thralls, which they take advantage. I used to do this technique with Kiya, but these elementals will do for now. If all works out when I get to Riverwood, we'll be able to abuse that strategy once again.

Bone hitting bone.

A note was all that remained at the end of Ustengrav, where the Horn should be. I failed, I thought, and proceeded to read the letter with a heavy heart. What happens to the dragons now? Will the Greybeards still help me if I return to the Throat of the World empty-handed? All those thoughts were washed away by what I read. Kiya. She got here first! I thought. It was exciting to read that she wanted to speak to me. Maybe she did know of the threat of the dragons, decided it was too important, and risked getting caught by going here. I could not discern the scent, as it smells of someone I am not familiar with. She probably wrote 'friend' so it would not be suspicious if anyone else finds it, for the Stormcloak soldiers know I am the Dragonborn. 

What are we going to do at the inn?

What luck the gods gave me that day! I delved through the tombs thinking I have lost Kiya forever, and at the end of it all, a letter from her urging me to speak to her! I rushed outside, and started the journey to Riverwood. I cannot wait for the day we meet. Soon enough, all will be forgiven. 

The Dead End

I have failed yet again. Kiya was not in the college, or so the mages there tell me. In a few days' stay in the College, I did not gain any information about her whereabouts. I forgot that mages tend to keep what they know to themselves. All of them seemed not to know who she is. I have suspicions that some of them do. Kiya must have learned all those magic somewhere, and the College is the only place in Skyrim where she can do so.

Even the College members thought my wings were unusual, even by their standards. I walked up the steep steps towards the gates receiving stares and glares from members and apprentices alike. I asked them if they had seen a pale woman with long, black hair, red paint on her face, and wings like mine. They said "no" one way or another, and hurried in their way. They all averted from my gaze.

I met with Mirabelle Ervine, the Master Wizard of the College. She told me she has not seen any mage named 'Kiya', and she confirms that she knows everyone in the College. Either she used illusion on me or I lost all hope of finding her here that I did not doubt anything she said. She told me to talk to the Arch-Mage Savos Aren if I had any more questions.

I have only one question when I entered the College and it has been answered by all of its members. All that remains are two requests from the Arch-Mage. I found him in his study (which was incredibly easy to access--he must trust all his students and faculty that much), and asked that he provide asylum to the woman with the description I gave, and that he let me train for a week under Phinis Gestor, who I met earlier. 

Sometimes, it's hard to speak to a bookworm.

He pondered on it, and agreed hesitantly. He told me he will keep Kiya in mind, and that I was to train under Phinis under the condition that I report to Tolfdir so he could have a closer look at my wings. I agreed, even thinking that if they could take it off me, all the better. 

For one week I trained and trained, summoning different creatures under Phinis's instructions. I kept up with his tests, and I improved greatly with each passing day. I reported to Tolfdir, an old man whose role in the college is unknown to me, and let him study my wings. I do not know what results he obtained, but he apologized, saying that he will not be able to remove it. At the end of the week, Phinis told me he only had one test remaining: Summon an unbound Dremora and make it submit to me. I have never seen a dremora before, much less know what it is. He told me that Dremoras are weak versions of Daedra, their underlings, the ones who roam Oblivion. They are more powerful than any mortal, and those without the willpower to make them submit, died. Only after I had defeated the Dremora shall Phinis grant me master conjuration spells.

Come on, Dremora, be nice.

Phinis directed me to go to the top of the Hall of Attainment and summon the Unbound Dremora there to keep everyone else safe. He told me to come back to him once the Dremora submitted itself to me.

I summoned the dremora immediately once I got to the tower. It had black-and-red armor, a red face, and some horns. It spoke, "Who are you mortal, and why have you summoned me?" I took out my sword, and said, "Submit to me." It only laughed, lasting for a few minutes before it calmed down. It took out its sword, and started charging towards me. I dodged once and slashed it in half. It disappeared to wherever it came from. That was easy. 

I called it out again twice more, and defeated it both times. It appeared after its third defeat, telling me I had power over it. I banished it one last time. I sheathed my sword, and went down the tower.

Hi there. Mind if you bow down to me?

I was on the way to Phinis outside the Hall of Attainment when I noticed the Arch-Mage speaking with a hooded mage. I have not seen her before, but it would seem that she has been here long enough for the Arch-Mage to discuss something with her. I decided to speak with the Arch-Mage about my progress; however, they ended their discussion and the hooded mage approached me. She spoke, "Ohhh, a Redguard! I don't suppose you're here to share your disdain of magic with the Nords, eh? Why are you here, handsome?" She did this in a sultry way, like a woman in a tavern would ask a stranger. I could not smell anything on her aside from the smell of burnt flesh. I said, "I came here looking for a woman who is certainly not you. Leave me alone." She did not seem to hear my last words to her. As I turned and started walking away from her, she kept up pace with me and asked, "This... woman. Is she your wife? Why are you looking for her here?" I stopped. I had distracted myself enough from Kiya by training, but this woman mage's questions snapped me back to reality. I spoke, "She... I betrayed her. I loved her, but I betrayed her. I am searching for her because I want to atone for my sins and for everything I did, and... and because her daughter wants her back." 

If it's Magic they're discussing, count me out.

She seemed content with my answer, so I started walking again. I expected a barrage of questions from her as she walked with me, but she did not follow me. It hit home in some way, I guess. I could not tell. Her faint smell of burnt flesh left my nose altogether, and that was a relief. 

You're like one of them Dark Brotherhood people.

Phinis greeted me a few paces away. I immediately asked him if he knew anything about the hooded mage. Yisra is her name, he said, and she was gone for a long time before returning to the college a few weeks back. She went on a study outside the College, and returned with her face and half her body burnt. The College healed her as much as they could, but the scars cannot be removed. All she could do was wrap herself up to avoid stares from people.

The Master Conjurer congratulated me on conquering the dremora, and gave me a few spells to take with me. I thanked him, and said that I should be on my way. "I have dragons to fight", I said, shaking his hand. I went to the gate and looked back. I expected Phinis or the Arch-Mage to look over my departure from the College; instead, I saw Yisra, the hooded mage, staring at my direction. She was far from the gate, but she held her gaze as I thought of where she might be looking. There is something up with her. She might have lost someone too, for all I know, and sympathizes with me. Or she knows about Kiya, but that is one thing I cannot justify, given the events that led me here.

It did not end well, did it?

And so I turned my back on her gaze, and started walking down from the College. I have done everything in my power to keep Kiya safe; now is the time I dealt with the dragons.

Thawing the Frozen Heart

I've never slept so soundly in weeks. Somehow, I finally am at peace with myself and with Kousei. He may still be bound by duty to Ulfric Stormcloak's cause, but I no longer feel animosity towards him about that matter. Somehow, I finally understand how Hadvar and the late Legate Rikke had managed to maintain their comparatively pleasant manners despite the Civil War bearing down on everyone.

Master Tolfdir had frowned on me leaving the College for a little adventuring, but in the end, he acquiesced. He half-joked, half-warned me that the College won't be there to come to my aid should bounty hunters come upon me, but I assured him that Serana and I would be able to handle them just fine. In the cover of dusk, we went to the Shrine of Azura. I didn't really expect a reply from the Patron of Roses. Nonetheless, I couldn't help but try to look to Aranea Ienith for a few words of wisdom. As I expected, I didn't glean much from her, except for a reiteration of one of the last prophecies Azura gave. Hardship, bloodshed, before the dawn. I sighed. I had to move on, and not put too much hope in an obscure prophecy.

Sorry pals, synchronized dancing ain't my thing.

There was a slight snowstorm when we were in the Shrine of Azura, but the weather had cleared by the time we reached Frostflow Lighthouse. It was a curious thing, quite like the lighthouse I remember from my Solitude days. It looked especially beautiful with the vibrant auroras that came to light as we approached.

Hadn't seen any ships passing by lately.

I was careful to keep myself hidden from any watchful eyes, as I usually did. However, Serana covertly tapped me on the elbow and motioned for me to look into one of the lighthouse windows. I frowned at the thought; I might reveal myself, not to mention we'd probably be poking our noses into other people's business. Caution gave way to concern, though, when Serana told me she detected the stench of spilled blood inside. Her senses weren't lying -- the inside of the deceptively peaceful lighthouse was in disarray.

A failed attempt at chaurus pie.

The corpse of a Redguard woman was the first thing that greeted our eyes. That, and a stone-cold chaurus. It didn't take long for us to imply that Falmer must have ransacked her home. Serana and I looked around for clues, and we found various journals that shed some light as to the identity of the lighthouse inhabitants. The woman's name was Ramati, and apparently she had a husband named Habd and two children, Mani and Sudi. They were Hammerfell natives, and had only just recently moved into the lighthouse. However, we've only found the corpse of the mother. Knowing the Falmer, they must have captured the rest of the family. They might have already been killed, but there's a slim chance that we could still save them.

Who sold you the lighthouse with all its dangers? I'd like to have a word with him.

We found a key to the lighthouse basement from Ramati's favorite urn, and set out to find her husband and children. True enough, opening the door revealed the sound of scuttling chaurus feet. Two chaurus had gotten in through a hole in the wall.

Did that hole cause the entire basement to be snowed under?

I shot down the chaurus before continuing to sneak through the wall. The Falmer and their pets must have burrowed their way to the lighthouse. Given the close vicinity of the Frostflow Lighthouse to the Tower of Mzark, it's indeed possible. Blackreach is only nearby, I thought with a hint of bitterness. Memories of Kousei entered my mind before I could suppress them. It didn't help when we came upon the corpse of the son, Mani, killed by the Falmer just like his mother. For a moment, I thought I saw Kousei's face. And curiously, I felt no triumph -- rather, a heaviness in my chest.

Pincushion Mani.

The daughter, Sudi, was located inside one of the prisons. We had reached her too late, for she had already killed herself before the Falmer can take her away to a worse fate. At that point, I realized it was futile to save her father. But I decided to press on. We had to at least clear the catacombs of Falmer and chaurus. More innocents could meet the same fate as they if we don't.

She apparently keeps emergency paper and charcoal on her person.

The Falmer must have intended to use this place as a breeding place for chaurus, because the chasm was crawling with them and their unhatched offspring. Serana and I sank our boots into the chilly water as we battled the huge insects. They were a downright nuisance, being able to hit us from afar with poison that no amount of blocking can diffuse (not that I could use a shield, that is). I gathered the eggs when I could. It wasn't the best of jobs, extracting chaurus eggs from their slimy sacs. But they were useful alchemy ingredients, and I was carrying a hefty burden of more than four hundred eggs by the time we cleared the dungeon. I couldn't help but think Kousei would find this place fascinating just for the ingredients.

Dammit why did you jump in before I could take them out for you?!

We had to face off against a Chaurus Reaper at the end of the tunnel, but we won in the end. Dissecting its remains revealed the mangled remains of Habd. When I looked into his eyeless sockets, I remembered something his wife had written in her journal. He would have wanted to be interred in the lighthouse brazier when he died, so he could gaze upon the sea forever.

Nice bloody skull you got there.

The auroras still shone when we got back up to the surface. I unlocked the door to the tower holding the lighthouse brazier, and gently interred the Redguard's remains into the fire. I spent a long time looking at the flames even after they completely absorbed what remained of Habd. Now that we've taken care of the fiends that ended what would have been the happy life of his family, there was nothing binding me here. But their words of contentment and love, all written in their journals, had strangely brought out my envy. In the distance, I saw the Tower of Mzark. It was too much. I only had that detestable Black-Briar Mead in my inventory, but some alcohol is better than none.

Mmmmmmead.

I had barely taken a sip of mead when Serana reached out and plucked the tankard from my hand. It was not the time for me to get drunk, she said firmly. I confess the scene afterwards wasn't too pretty, involving stray Fireballs thrown at Serana's way and with me spouting all the swear words I could muster. But Serana stood her ground until I had calmed down, and the kind tone she used afterwards made me more guilty than ever. She had refrained from mentioning Kousei for a long time now, but now she asked me if I still loved him. My immediate answer was no, but alas, my eyes were already misting over.

Are you crying?

No, I am not.

You are.

No.

You love him still.

No. No. No. I can't, I can't, I can't. I...

Okay, I'll listen. Just give me my mead back.

...and all I remember afterwards was Serana taking me back to the warm interior of the lighthouse, where I can shed tears without them freezing solid on my cheeks. She's right about me, again. I was jealous of Habd and Ramati's happiness, for I saw in them a reflection of what Kousei and I could have been. I remember the last letter he gave. I had burned it, believing it was nothing but a ruse to trap me into betraying the Legion. But a fragment of me dared to believe that it wasn't all a lie, that he really did care for me. And I still do, I now realize. A part of me will always love him, no matter what.

Don'tlookatmedon'tlookatme.

Serana was smiling when we left the lighthouse at dawn. She remarked that the time is coming when I would not need her anymore, because much of the storm in me had cleared. I laughed, my first true laugh in a long while. And now, as I study my lessons in the guise of Yisra, I know I could face Kousei again without hate in my heart. All I would have to know now is if he would be willing to take me back, if we could somehow make things work out.

I know he has been seeking me out. I wonder if I will meet him soon.

- Kiya