Helgen Revisited

My dearest Kousei,

It's been a while since we penned a letter to each other, no? Well, certainly that's because we've been traveling together for some time now. And precisely because of that reason, you may think this letter is unnecessary considering I could just express my sentiments to you by word of mouth. But spoken words, though powerful (just look at the Thu'um), are vulnerable to being distorted by the passage of years. At least, if you read my words on this piece of parchment many years from now -- provided it has been preserved -- you will not have a shred of doubt that I once said them from my heart.

To be honest, I hardly remember what happened the night I attempted to drown my sorrows in alcohol (yeah I know, just like my drinking binge with Sanguine). All I knew was that by the time I came to, I had a splitting headache to end all headaches. I panicked when I saw that I was no longer in the inn, and that furthermore, I wasn't in the armor I specifically crafted for my spellcasting needs. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was in Breezehome, and that my Daedric armor was safely piled on a chair nearby. I was struggling to piece together what caused me to end up in Whiterun when I heard the door creak open. My mouth fell open when I saw you. 'Oh no,' was the first thing that entered my hungover mind. Judging by the look on your face, I knew I did something in my drunken state that made the Sanguine fiasco appear pale in comparison. But you simply urged me not to aggravate my condition by walking around, and offered a potion you brewed. "This is for the headache," you said. "Take it; it will make you feel better."

Wish I had one of these after my bet with Sanguine.

I was adamant to hear the truth, though. So I listened to your account of how I nearly killed you with an Ice Spike to the face due to my ale-induced rage, and how you got me back home after I passed out. I felt so terrible and ashamed at my lack of composure that I wished for Oblivion to swallow me then and there, but you gently halted my apologies. "I am the one who should be apologizing for not making things clear," you said. "I'm sorry for sending the wrong message by paying more attention to Serana than you." You must have seen my expression of confusion and disbelief, because you soothingly placed your hand in mine and explained, "I was asking her for advice. I... I wanted to tell you how I felt about you, but I didn't know how."

Do keep this illumination under lock and key, will you?

Suffice to say, you finally got to express the words you've been trying to tell me all this time... sentiments which I've also been yearning to tell you. Before we knew it, one thing had led to another. By mid-morning there were two sets of Daedric armor (plus a fur one) lying discarded on a chair. It's strange how we've kept ourselves untouched all these years, and I am immensely thankful to the Divines to have you join with me (and me with you), before anyone else had the first opportunity to do so. I lay in your arms in the wake of our passion, and we were quiet for some time before you casually inquired if my parents will approve of a Redguard. I chuckled a little before explaining that I wouldn't know, because they have already passed on by the time I had left Cyrodiil.

Heavy armor doesn't do you justice.

Please don't be guilty for asking about them, my love, because they have lived full lives and died without regrets. Sure, they may posthumously curse the traveling mage that sparked their only daughter's interest in spells beyond that of the Restoration school, but she had retained her father's preference for smithing heavy armor and the basic hunting skills her mother had taught her. I ran my fingers over the scars on your left cheek when I asked about the family you left behind in Hammerfell, but all I got from you was a sad look, and whispered words that your parents were already likewise deceased. You assured me though, that you would one day tell me the whole story in full. I nodded in acceptance, kissing you one last time before we decided to finally get up and find Serana.

We found her waiting back in the Tower of Mzark. I immediately offered my apologies for being so nasty to her, and Serana gladly accepted them. Not my fault I fell for a clueless man, she said. Serana does know how to crack the right jokes at the appropriate moments, and I genuinely laughed for the first time in her presence.

Trust me, I'm also relieved that our feud is at an end.

With Serana's approval, we decided to delay going to Castle Volkihar so we can pay a visit to the place where we first met: in Helgen. You did tell me before in a letter about the sorry state of the town after the dragon attack, but it still shocked me to behold the devastation with my own eyes. The whole place was deserted, or so I thought.

I was not prepared for this sight.

We soon found ourselves engaging the bandits that have taken over Helgen. We have nearly dispatched of the thugs that were on ground level when an iron arrow hit my armor on the shoulder. My arrows and Serana's spells were hitting misses on the bandit archer who cleverly kept himself hidden in one of the towers while he launched his attack, and so you quickly ran into the building to dispatch of him yourself. I followed you in time to see you reduce the infidel into a bloody pulp with your blade and shield.

Most impressive, my love. Keep that sword sharp.

By the Divines, I was just checking if you're all right. But if you wanted to take an illumination, it's fine.

Once we were sure the coast was clear, we walked to the familiar square that held an equally familiar stone block. How long was it since we lined up here to get our heads cut off before the dark dragon laid waste to the town? It was a ghastly experience, but knowing that it would all lead to the present, I would willingly go through it again if need be.

I never thought I'd be looking at this thing with fondness.

Back then, we left Helgen our separate ways. This time, we departed it together, comforted by the thought that we now have each other. We are now on our way to find the last Elder Scroll for Serana's prophecy. The way may be more difficult than ever, but knowing that you are with me, dear Kousei, it gives me additional purpose to carry on. You have my love, now and always.

Yours from now on,

Kiya