Helgen Revisited

My dearest Kousei,

It's been a while since we penned a letter to each other, no? Well, certainly that's because we've been traveling together for some time now. And precisely because of that reason, you may think this letter is unnecessary considering I could just express my sentiments to you by word of mouth. But spoken words, though powerful (just look at the Thu'um), are vulnerable to being distorted by the passage of years. At least, if you read my words on this piece of parchment many years from now -- provided it has been preserved -- you will not have a shred of doubt that I once said them from my heart.

To be honest, I hardly remember what happened the night I attempted to drown my sorrows in alcohol (yeah I know, just like my drinking binge with Sanguine). All I knew was that by the time I came to, I had a splitting headache to end all headaches. I panicked when I saw that I was no longer in the inn, and that furthermore, I wasn't in the armor I specifically crafted for my spellcasting needs. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was in Breezehome, and that my Daedric armor was safely piled on a chair nearby. I was struggling to piece together what caused me to end up in Whiterun when I heard the door creak open. My mouth fell open when I saw you. 'Oh no,' was the first thing that entered my hungover mind. Judging by the look on your face, I knew I did something in my drunken state that made the Sanguine fiasco appear pale in comparison. But you simply urged me not to aggravate my condition by walking around, and offered a potion you brewed. "This is for the headache," you said. "Take it; it will make you feel better."

Wish I had one of these after my bet with Sanguine.

I was adamant to hear the truth, though. So I listened to your account of how I nearly killed you with an Ice Spike to the face due to my ale-induced rage, and how you got me back home after I passed out. I felt so terrible and ashamed at my lack of composure that I wished for Oblivion to swallow me then and there, but you gently halted my apologies. "I am the one who should be apologizing for not making things clear," you said. "I'm sorry for sending the wrong message by paying more attention to Serana than you." You must have seen my expression of confusion and disbelief, because you soothingly placed your hand in mine and explained, "I was asking her for advice. I... I wanted to tell you how I felt about you, but I didn't know how."

Do keep this illumination under lock and key, will you?

Suffice to say, you finally got to express the words you've been trying to tell me all this time... sentiments which I've also been yearning to tell you. Before we knew it, one thing had led to another. By mid-morning there were two sets of Daedric armor (plus a fur one) lying discarded on a chair. It's strange how we've kept ourselves untouched all these years, and I am immensely thankful to the Divines to have you join with me (and me with you), before anyone else had the first opportunity to do so. I lay in your arms in the wake of our passion, and we were quiet for some time before you casually inquired if my parents will approve of a Redguard. I chuckled a little before explaining that I wouldn't know, because they have already passed on by the time I had left Cyrodiil.

Heavy armor doesn't do you justice.

Please don't be guilty for asking about them, my love, because they have lived full lives and died without regrets. Sure, they may posthumously curse the traveling mage that sparked their only daughter's interest in spells beyond that of the Restoration school, but she had retained her father's preference for smithing heavy armor and the basic hunting skills her mother had taught her. I ran my fingers over the scars on your left cheek when I asked about the family you left behind in Hammerfell, but all I got from you was a sad look, and whispered words that your parents were already likewise deceased. You assured me though, that you would one day tell me the whole story in full. I nodded in acceptance, kissing you one last time before we decided to finally get up and find Serana.

We found her waiting back in the Tower of Mzark. I immediately offered my apologies for being so nasty to her, and Serana gladly accepted them. Not my fault I fell for a clueless man, she said. Serana does know how to crack the right jokes at the appropriate moments, and I genuinely laughed for the first time in her presence.

Trust me, I'm also relieved that our feud is at an end.

With Serana's approval, we decided to delay going to Castle Volkihar so we can pay a visit to the place where we first met: in Helgen. You did tell me before in a letter about the sorry state of the town after the dragon attack, but it still shocked me to behold the devastation with my own eyes. The whole place was deserted, or so I thought.

I was not prepared for this sight.

We soon found ourselves engaging the bandits that have taken over Helgen. We have nearly dispatched of the thugs that were on ground level when an iron arrow hit my armor on the shoulder. My arrows and Serana's spells were hitting misses on the bandit archer who cleverly kept himself hidden in one of the towers while he launched his attack, and so you quickly ran into the building to dispatch of him yourself. I followed you in time to see you reduce the infidel into a bloody pulp with your blade and shield.

Most impressive, my love. Keep that sword sharp.

By the Divines, I was just checking if you're all right. But if you wanted to take an illumination, it's fine.

Once we were sure the coast was clear, we walked to the familiar square that held an equally familiar stone block. How long was it since we lined up here to get our heads cut off before the dark dragon laid waste to the town? It was a ghastly experience, but knowing that it would all lead to the present, I would willingly go through it again if need be.

I never thought I'd be looking at this thing with fondness.

Back then, we left Helgen our separate ways. This time, we departed it together, comforted by the thought that we now have each other. We are now on our way to find the last Elder Scroll for Serana's prophecy. The way may be more difficult than ever, but knowing that you are with me, dear Kousei, it gives me additional purpose to carry on. You have my love, now and always.

Yours from now on,

Kiya 

Flight of the Daedric Maiden

Curse the day I was born! All this time, I had been too naive to understand why Kiya's acting strangely! Serana had recently brought to my attention that Kiya was glancing my way when I took my helmet off to take a breath of air. She said she caught Kiya glancing, and she blushed. She blushed! What a fool I have been not to see it that way. Serana even offered to back off so Kiya and I can spend more time and talk about things, but my stupidity got in the way and Kiya heard me tell Serana I needed her. I meant her advice, damn the Gods! Now she runs off inside the tower, and I immediately follow her inside.

I wonder how Kiya unlocked this?

At the top of the tower, a great Dwarven mechanism lay untouched for thousands of years. Kiya was already at the controls at the top when we got there. She had just unlocked the puzzle that contained the Elder Scroll when Serana and I got there, so she jumped down and screamed, "Take the Scroll! I'll leave you two alone!" and ran outside. 

Careful now Kousei, it might be brittle.

I hurriedly ran towards the opened shell containing the Elder Scroll, and with a trembling hand, took it as gently as I could and kept it. I needed to be fast to catch up to Kiya, wherever she might be going. I wanted to shout after her, but I know words are useless now when words started it all. 

It was well that the Tower of Mzark had a door to Skyrim, else I might get lost in the immensity of Blackreach and never know where she might have gone. I catch her outside the Tower, running as fast as she could. Those Restoration spells of hers come in handy not only against the undead, but also for out-running me. She ran and ran until I almost have no sight of her and shouting her name did not reach her anymore. 

KIYA! WAIT!!

I was furiously running. No, more like furious and running. I was angry at Serana for not telling me sooner, and I told her that. I was frustrated enough to tell her that everything was her fault. She stopped running that instant, and once I stopped in my tracks too she calmly told me, "You're on your own, Kousei. I wonder why she likes you," and simply walked away. I tried to start after Serana, but she had disappeared. I panicked, fearing I might have lost tracking Kiya.

How many bottles have you had, Kiya?

I managed to track her after a long while, for she has a distinct smell I fondly recall. That, and she had been burning trees left and right. She might as well have told me she wanted me to follow. I find her inside Windpeak Inn at Dawnstar, with bottles of ale around her. She must have drank seven or more when I got there, and most of her drinking buddies have passed out in the rooms. Only one remained, and he tried to stop me from approaching Kiya. I am guessing she has told them of me, of how I managed to frustrate her. I push her drinking buddy away, knowing he stood no chance against me, and as I was about to tap her on the shoulder, she turned around and hurled an ice spike towards my face, screaming, "Serana's not the only one who can use that, Kousei!" She passed out. 

That guy had three and he's almost passed out.

I picked her unconscious body up and noticed that everyone was staring at me. Kiya's drinking buddy was up--struggling to get up, rather--but he was staring, still. I cannot stay here, I thought. Kiya has probably told them a lot about me. They might be hostile. A lot of things ran through my mind, but I know I needed to get her out of there and take her to her home in Whiterun. I ran outside with her body in my arms, and headed towards the stables. 

I reach Breezehome in a few hours, and Kiya was still unconscious. I ignored her child's persistent questioning and took Kiya to her bed upstairs. I took off most of her heavy Daedric armor so she can sleep more soundly, and put  fur armor on her to keep her warm. By the Gods, she looked so beautiful in her sleep. I watched her breathe so peacefully, and I felt a pang of guilt for having been cold to her all this time that only while she slept did I see her like that. I close the door, and settled near the hearth downstairs. And now I wait for her to wake up with a clear mind so we can talk about all that had happened. I hope she won't hurl another spell at me, for it might be the last thing I see.

Nirnroot Won't Save You

I thought the Crimson Nirnroot was a positive sign that I can at least get back what Serana had taken from me. Perhaps Kousei can remember the first time we hung out together in an inn, and how he had given me a Nirnroot to help me with my money woes at the time. Back then, we were only starting what will become quite a close correspondence -- a correspondence that I am no longer sure will continue after all this is over. So much, so much, had transpired since that night in the Sleeping Giant Inn. I never expected to be attached to that sorry excuse of a Redguard. Furthermore, I am double the fool for having allowed Serana to catch me staring at Kousei one of the several times he had the helmet off. Ugh, that Daedric armor set is complementing his looks so well; it's driving me crazy!

The poor man! He was only studying alchemical ingredients!

The Elder Scroll was our primary agenda in Blackreach, but we found ourselves staying longer than we expected (or wanted, in my case). The cause of all this was Kousei's fascination for the Crimson Nirnroot, which we first encountered in the derelict field laboratory of a man named Sinderion. I am afraid his name didn't ring a bell in my memory, but a Crimson Nirnroot was certainly novel in itself. I found myself getting caught up in Kousei's excitement with the unusual plant that I agreed to help him find more of it.

It grows without the sun. I guess that's why it's the color of blood?

Finding thirty Crimson Nirnroots was more difficult than expected. Some of them were tucked away in hidden places not readily accessible, or were in the company of devilish beings that call Blackreach home. I even fell down a waterfall at one point while trying to retrieve a plant that was at the lip of the precipice (so embarrassing). But the most amazing thing that happened in all this fuss over Crimson Nirnroots was when Kousei accidentally released a slumbering dragon. This was when we were fighting Falmer where the gigantic Blackreach yellow orb was suspended.

Find the dragon in this illumination.

Kousei is hidden somewhere in that inferno.

I was temporarily paralyzed with shock when I heard Kousei use a partial form of the Unrelenting Force Shout. But Vulthuryol was keeping us busy, and so I devoted my energies to pelting the dragon with arrows while Kousei and Serana engaged him head-on. I therefore had a clear view of Kousei absorbing the dragon's soul once Vulthuryol was defeated. I was stunned. The Greybeards had told me that they detected another Dragonborn who awakened his powers at roughly the same time as I did when I slew Mirmulnir near Whiterun, but this second Dragonborn had so far not ascended to High Hrothgar. Kousei and Serana must have noticed that I was not moving from my spot, because they ran back to see if I was alright. I shrugged off their concerned questions, and asked Kousei bluntly if he knew that he was Dragonborn all along. He muttered that he knew, hastily adding an apology for not having told me any time sooner. I looked him in the eye before saying that it doesn't matter. There were more Crimson Nirnroots to be found.

Finally, the last one!

Nonetheless, I thought I detected a different kind of happiness in Kousei's actions when I showed him the roots I found. He clutched at my hands -- my hands! -- holding the plants, thanking me profusely for my help. Did I just imagine him hesitating to let go so he can take the roots from me? I was so thankful that I had the helmet on, or he would have seen me blushing under it. We stood staring at each other for a short moment before I quickly offered to scout ahead at the Tower of Mzark for enemies. He agreed, and so off to the Tower I went.

How dare you. How DARE you.

Thankfully, the Tower of Mzark appeared devoid of enemies, and so I happily went back to my companions with these news. My footfalls were Muffled and so they weren't able to detect that I was there until I was just behind them. Well, what did I hear? Kousei exclaiming quite loudly, "Please don't leave me, Lady Serana!" I froze in my tracks, and so did they in their conversation. Kousei looked at me imploringly, and was just beginning with the usual "It's not what you think" statement when I cut him off at once. The Tower of Mzark is clear, I said softly. We ought to finish this quest as soon as possible. Kousei looked like he was going to try to press the matter on to me when a Dwarven sphere came rolling towards us. I instinctively blasted it down with one of my fire spells. Quite dangerously close to where Serana was standing, I might say. That silenced them. I turned and ran back to the Tower of Mzark, not even looking back to see if they followed me.

Come here, let me kill you.

I do not know what I'm going to do anymore. I am now an official third wheel where Serana and Kousei are concerned. I just want to get out of Blackreach as soon as we obtain that Elder Scroll so I can temporarily drive all these damned cares out of my mind. The glowing mushrooms, the Dwemer machines, the Falmer, the Chaurus, the Vampire, the Redguard -- I have seen too much of them. I find myself cursing Blackreach for not having any taverns (or at least some ale, for the Divines' sake!) among its ruins.

I didn't tell him that I was Dragonborn too, with the ability to absorb the souls of deceased dragons. We hadn't the opportunity to slay a dragon together until now, and there was no way he could have known I could use Shouts as well. I hardly ever use the Dovah speech. If I did, I may sooner or later go the same way as Ulfric Stormcloak, Shouting enemies to pieces without thinking if it will impact the fate of Skyrim. And if I don't get out of Blackreach soon, I may end up doing just that to the happy couple. Fine, Kousei. You are so besotted with Serana, but you could have at least kept your voice down and spared me some pain! Damn bastard!

- Kiya

Heart in the Darkness

I felt a heavy burden atop my shoulders as I brewed the potions we need for our upcoming journey. As I carefully cook the hearts with the mushroom, I glance at Kiya, who for the past few days has been quite difficult to get along with. I notice from the edge of my sight how she crushed the Daedric hearts she acquired for her own armor with a fierce, impatient face. I do not know if I crossed the line with whatever I said or did, and she is not really of a mind to talk to me about it, nor do I know what to do to fix it. If this keeps up, our daunting task of finding the Elder Scroll in an uncharted place might not even take place. 

Luckily enough, she seemed determined to find this scroll even without talking. She readily agreed to have her armor upgraded so we'll be ready for Alftand, and now I find myself glancing at her pound away at evil hearts, and I can imagine  her imagining that those are mine. 

Bits of heart in the arrowhead, probably?

It took us quite a long while to obtain all the ingredients and materials we needed for her forging and my brewing, but we eventually finished our preparations. We rushed to Alftand and found a vast Dwemer ruin before us. I urged all of us to proceed with care, as we did not know what lies in these ruins. Dwemer technology is far too advanced for any of us to understand, and who knows how many machines lie there in wait for their masters to come back?

How are we going to climb that?

If I thought that Kiya was determined to find the scroll, little did I know she was a bit too determined. She kept running far and ahead from Serana and me, making sure to distance herself from us. I often reminded her that upgrading her armor to one of the best ones in all of Tamriel does not make her invincible, but that only made her run farther away. It's a good thing that I can run far without stopping, and I always caught up to her already fighting some mechanical being on wheels. 

Kiya lights up any place she walks in to.

Traps were all over Alftand, keeping us on our toes and forcing us to look at our every step, even while fighting. Kiya took one illumination of one of the more dangerous traps in the ruins, one that, when triggered, unleashes several whirling blades that go up and down the stairs, slicing anyone that comes near them. 

I wonder how the Dwarves were able to get around with traps all over the place.

Apart from traps, Falmer and their chaurus pets made a home out of the Dwarven ruins. They set up their camps almost anywhere accessible to them, and being aggressive for no reason, we had to take them down. We took advantage of their blindness by leading them to traps and triggering them. It was not inviting to watch, knowing too well that we might end up the same way if we were not careful enough.

Come here falmer, falmer, falmer...

We finally reach a spacious cave with dwemer machinations. No machines on wheels or spider machinations -- just Falmer. It seemed to me that we were reaching some deeper, underground cave untouched even by the Dwemer, as this part of Alftand looked undeveloped by their technology. I was both right and wrong at my thinking.

This is a Cathedral? What do they worship here, metal?

I was wrong to think that there were no dwemer machines living in these parts. We were able to open the gate to another passage, but were were stopped in our tracks by a gigantic human-like dwemer machine. It was twice my size, completely made of metal, and spewed hot steam from its arms that almost got through my armor and burned me inside it. Kiya managed to capture an illumination of us fighting the huge monstrous machine as it tried to sever my head off.

Look at that throwing posture!

Barely surviving our last encounter with the huge machine, we barge in a room with two adventurers arguing. As if by some strange and twisted coincidence, the man was Imperial and the woman was Redguard. I did not quite get what they were saying, but it looked like they were arguing pretty aggressively. The argument escalated when the Imperial man attacked the Redguard woman. He died in the process, unfortunately, while we had to defend ourselves when she attacked us in her mad rage. We did not have time for diplomacy to ask her what had happened. 

That's some lover's quarrel.

It was just as well, then, that either of them were not able to get the Attunement Sphere had they defeated us (which was unlikely, if I may add), for they would be able to unlock the Dwarven mechanism to unfold the stairs spiraling downward. Before we went down, I asked Kiya if she was ready for this. She seemed to be sobering up due to our last encounter, but she tried not to show it. The fact that me being a Redguard and she an Imperial, and that the two adventurers arguing earlier were our counterparts might have played a role in making her talk to me. She told me that she was as ready as I was, and that we had to be careful down there. I became glad of even that short response from her, for it was the first time she talked to me in a long while. I nodded, and she let me go first. As we descended the final steps, we were greeted by a cave not beheld by any man's eyes in a very long time.

Glowing mushrooms that light up the place grew all over, some as tall as the cave itself. It would seem that there were dwemer constructions here as well, meaning that this place had been abandoned by the dwemer like they did their other dwellings and left to the elements. It was glorious to behold. We had finally reached Blackreach. Kiya even took off her helmet to get a better look as I took an illumination of the place.

The effect of large mushrooms.

Looking at her like this made me sigh. She looked so... beautiful and deadly at the same time. Unfortunately, that is the case even when I'm the one in front of her. I absolutely wanted to finish this scroll-finding quest as fast as we could in order to get it out of her mind and be able to talk to her... about us.

Riddle Me This

So many riddles, so many cryptic signs, all in one day. But I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that we have not lost our minds in all the mysteries of the moment. And I thought all of Kousei's secretive chats with Serana was already enough to drive me mad. Gods, that Serana! I do not know what kind of spell she has been casting on him lately, but I do hope he remembers that there are three of us in this venture. Still, I am at two minds if I really want to find out what they've been talking about together, just the two of them. It hurts to be kept in the dark, but the truth may even be more hurtful than that. Damn, what a coward I've become. And what is worse than a coward is a cowardly third wheel.

Dexion's reading of the scroll in our possession went smoothly enough. Well, there was this brief moment of Kousei tensing up a bit when the Moth Priest expressed his delight at seeing me again. I thought I saw him reaching for the handle of his blade at the corner of my eye, but it must have been my imagination. Kousei wouldn't dare harm Dexion; not when he knows how much we needed the Priest to uncover the secret of his dear Serana's scroll.

Do you also see a vision of what my two companions are up to?

Thankfully, I was able to put my petty concerns about what's going on between Kousei and Serana at the back of my mind. I need to be able to listen to the prophecy with a clear train of thought. Dexion first mentioned something about a weapon known as Auriel's Bow -- something I know nothing about despite being an archer. But that was perhaps the only part of the prophecy I could even partially understand. He went on to speak about how a "dread lord" will rise among the "night's children," and how "darkness will mingle with light and the day and night will be as one" in "an age of strife, when dragons return to the realm of men."

I presume the "night's children" refer to Vampires, and the "age of strife" may refer to the current age, but everyone was as confused as I. And to add to this mystery, Dexion discovered that Serana's scroll is not enough to reveal the entire prophecy. We need two others, one that refers to "the ancient secrets of the dragons" and another that speaks of "the potency of ancient blood." Now, I do not know anything about the latter, but the mention of the former made me recall something I have learned in the College of Winterhold. Neither Kousei nor Serana know that I am officially a mage of the College -- not that he will like it anyway, come to think of it. But Urag gro-Shub, the resident librarian, had given me leads about what may be the dragon scroll in this puzzle. Maybe we can follow up on it now. Alas, before I had the chance to say anything to Kousei, Serana went and said that she needed to talk to the two of us.

Are you trying to tell me something here?

Serana, after apologizing a bit about a little secret she had been keeping, told us that her mother, Valerica, may know the whereabouts of the blood scroll. Unfortunately, Serana herself was unsure of where her mother can be found. Apparently, Valerica went and hid herself after her falling out with Harkon over the mysterious prophecy. Kousei, however, suggested that she may be hiding under Harkon's very nose, in Castle Volkihar. I rolled my eyes when Serana eagerly agreed with his theory (oh, I am sure she will, even if he suggested that Valerica is holed up in Helgen). She then described a garden she and her mother maintained that could perhaps hold a clue to Valerica's hiding place. I remarked softly that Harkon wouldn't really allow us to use the front door to get there, but Serana had a plan. Just as we do in the Thieves Guild, we had to utilize disused entrances to get things done.

Great. Using our male companion's fondness for Alchemy to your advantage.

Only when Serana was done with her little speech did Kousei turn to me and asked if our next itinerary would now be Castle Volkihar. I stared at him for a moment or two before saying that I have picked up leads from a book or two about a man in the northern tundra who may know about the other missing scroll. But if he, Kousei, preferred to get things done quickly, he and Serana could go ahead and find Valerica (and the blood scroll) while I go and investigate the other one. I raised an eyebrow when he immediately threw my suggestion that I go alone out of the window. If I was going north of Winterhold, he and Serana (of course, why should she be left behind? I have to sigh.) will accompany me. And so off to the tundra we went, in search of the man Urag told me about -- Septimus Signus.

I guess I should not interrupt your little sweet conversation, my friends.

I was a bit tired after navigating shifting ice, and Kousei helpfully suggested that we take a little rest. I gratefully took it, but my nap was cut short when I noticed that I was alone in the camp. I looked around a bit, and what did I find? Well, a scene to impress Mara, to say the least. There was Kousei, talking to Serana. And as usual, I was not included. It was difficult to make out their conversation due to their hushed tones, but the few words I recognized revealed quite an intimate exchange. They looked so at ease with each other that I almost lost my dinner. Serana, with those night-sharp eyes of hers, must have noticed that I was staring at them with a look more deadly than Frostbite Venom, because she immediately nudged Kousei to go back to camp. Well, he should have stayed put instead, because all that he ended up talking (or rather, babbling) about was how Goldenglow Estate and Honningbrew Meadery had their share of misfortunes the past weeks. I told Kousei to hush it before getting up and storming my way to Septimus Signus' outpost. The last thing I wanted was a reminder of how I have to play it nice with Maven Black-Briar just to ensure my Guild doesn't vanish into nothingness.

No use arguing with a mad man. Breathe. No use arguing with a mad man.

I was in such a foul mood that I had to stop myself from punching Septimus Signus' already addled head into deeper madness when he spoke his riddles. However, I can no longer have the calm state of mind like I did when Dexion was reading the scroll. I allowed Septimus to rant on and on about his enlightened knowledge, catching only words like "Blackreach" and "Tower of Mzark." I hope Serana and Kousei (ugh, my blood boils just to mention them together) have been paying attention, because I cannot honestly recall everything Septimus said. All I know is that I now have an Attunement Sphere and a Blank Lexicon given by him, and that we have to get to Blackreach. If there is a way to get my mind as blank as that Lexicon, I would do it right now.

You talk to Serana about your past, Kousei, but you talk to me about how you'd like to find out who caused mayhem in Goldenglow and Honningbrew so you could "deal with him." Go figure. Not many riddles are more baffling than the ramblings of Septimus or the prophecies of the Elder Scrolls, and you precisely are one.

- Kiya