A Horn for Hope

Riverwood's still far from here, but it does not matter. I am traveling as fast I could, as I did when I ran away from home and those corrupt guards. Kiya's waiting for me. I wondered what changed her mind. Was it because the College told her of my visit there and my pleading to the Arch-Mage? Or did her thieving friends tell her I stayed on their front door until she showed up? 

In any case, what is important is that she's changed her mind. I will see to it that Ulfric will not get to her. Her child needs her. I need her. 

All this would not have happened if it were not for the threat of the dragons. Descending from the College of Winterhold, I resolved to retrieve the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller for the Greybeards. It was a long journey to get to the tombs, but I needed to finish this, having no leads on Kiya's whereabouts. Kiya might not be aware of the impending doom of Skyrim, thus I need to do this on my own for now.

Immediately Necromancers and their skeletal friends greeted me. I greeted them back with my weapons, tearing them apart limb from limb. It was not a surprise the tomb was riddled with Necromancers and the undead. I have never tried necromancy myself even if I have sufficient knowledge of Conjuration--if I did, I would have Kiya cut my head off.

Guess the burning thing.

Draugr of the strongest kinds filled the tombs, too, keeping the horn well-protected. However, with my newly-casted Storm Thralls, I had no problem dispatching them. I charge, get around them to force them to turn around, and they fight me with their backs turned to the Thralls, which they take advantage. I used to do this technique with Kiya, but these elementals will do for now. If all works out when I get to Riverwood, we'll be able to abuse that strategy once again.

Bone hitting bone.

A note was all that remained at the end of Ustengrav, where the Horn should be. I failed, I thought, and proceeded to read the letter with a heavy heart. What happens to the dragons now? Will the Greybeards still help me if I return to the Throat of the World empty-handed? All those thoughts were washed away by what I read. Kiya. She got here first! I thought. It was exciting to read that she wanted to speak to me. Maybe she did know of the threat of the dragons, decided it was too important, and risked getting caught by going here. I could not discern the scent, as it smells of someone I am not familiar with. She probably wrote 'friend' so it would not be suspicious if anyone else finds it, for the Stormcloak soldiers know I am the Dragonborn. 

What are we going to do at the inn?

What luck the gods gave me that day! I delved through the tombs thinking I have lost Kiya forever, and at the end of it all, a letter from her urging me to speak to her! I rushed outside, and started the journey to Riverwood. I cannot wait for the day we meet. Soon enough, all will be forgiven. 

The Dead End

I have failed yet again. Kiya was not in the college, or so the mages there tell me. In a few days' stay in the College, I did not gain any information about her whereabouts. I forgot that mages tend to keep what they know to themselves. All of them seemed not to know who she is. I have suspicions that some of them do. Kiya must have learned all those magic somewhere, and the College is the only place in Skyrim where she can do so.

Even the College members thought my wings were unusual, even by their standards. I walked up the steep steps towards the gates receiving stares and glares from members and apprentices alike. I asked them if they had seen a pale woman with long, black hair, red paint on her face, and wings like mine. They said "no" one way or another, and hurried in their way. They all averted from my gaze.

I met with Mirabelle Ervine, the Master Wizard of the College. She told me she has not seen any mage named 'Kiya', and she confirms that she knows everyone in the College. Either she used illusion on me or I lost all hope of finding her here that I did not doubt anything she said. She told me to talk to the Arch-Mage Savos Aren if I had any more questions.

I have only one question when I entered the College and it has been answered by all of its members. All that remains are two requests from the Arch-Mage. I found him in his study (which was incredibly easy to access--he must trust all his students and faculty that much), and asked that he provide asylum to the woman with the description I gave, and that he let me train for a week under Phinis Gestor, who I met earlier. 

Sometimes, it's hard to speak to a bookworm.

He pondered on it, and agreed hesitantly. He told me he will keep Kiya in mind, and that I was to train under Phinis under the condition that I report to Tolfdir so he could have a closer look at my wings. I agreed, even thinking that if they could take it off me, all the better. 

For one week I trained and trained, summoning different creatures under Phinis's instructions. I kept up with his tests, and I improved greatly with each passing day. I reported to Tolfdir, an old man whose role in the college is unknown to me, and let him study my wings. I do not know what results he obtained, but he apologized, saying that he will not be able to remove it. At the end of the week, Phinis told me he only had one test remaining: Summon an unbound Dremora and make it submit to me. I have never seen a dremora before, much less know what it is. He told me that Dremoras are weak versions of Daedra, their underlings, the ones who roam Oblivion. They are more powerful than any mortal, and those without the willpower to make them submit, died. Only after I had defeated the Dremora shall Phinis grant me master conjuration spells.

Come on, Dremora, be nice.

Phinis directed me to go to the top of the Hall of Attainment and summon the Unbound Dremora there to keep everyone else safe. He told me to come back to him once the Dremora submitted itself to me.

I summoned the dremora immediately once I got to the tower. It had black-and-red armor, a red face, and some horns. It spoke, "Who are you mortal, and why have you summoned me?" I took out my sword, and said, "Submit to me." It only laughed, lasting for a few minutes before it calmed down. It took out its sword, and started charging towards me. I dodged once and slashed it in half. It disappeared to wherever it came from. That was easy. 

I called it out again twice more, and defeated it both times. It appeared after its third defeat, telling me I had power over it. I banished it one last time. I sheathed my sword, and went down the tower.

Hi there. Mind if you bow down to me?

I was on the way to Phinis outside the Hall of Attainment when I noticed the Arch-Mage speaking with a hooded mage. I have not seen her before, but it would seem that she has been here long enough for the Arch-Mage to discuss something with her. I decided to speak with the Arch-Mage about my progress; however, they ended their discussion and the hooded mage approached me. She spoke, "Ohhh, a Redguard! I don't suppose you're here to share your disdain of magic with the Nords, eh? Why are you here, handsome?" She did this in a sultry way, like a woman in a tavern would ask a stranger. I could not smell anything on her aside from the smell of burnt flesh. I said, "I came here looking for a woman who is certainly not you. Leave me alone." She did not seem to hear my last words to her. As I turned and started walking away from her, she kept up pace with me and asked, "This... woman. Is she your wife? Why are you looking for her here?" I stopped. I had distracted myself enough from Kiya by training, but this woman mage's questions snapped me back to reality. I spoke, "She... I betrayed her. I loved her, but I betrayed her. I am searching for her because I want to atone for my sins and for everything I did, and... and because her daughter wants her back." 

If it's Magic they're discussing, count me out.

She seemed content with my answer, so I started walking again. I expected a barrage of questions from her as she walked with me, but she did not follow me. It hit home in some way, I guess. I could not tell. Her faint smell of burnt flesh left my nose altogether, and that was a relief. 

You're like one of them Dark Brotherhood people.

Phinis greeted me a few paces away. I immediately asked him if he knew anything about the hooded mage. Yisra is her name, he said, and she was gone for a long time before returning to the college a few weeks back. She went on a study outside the College, and returned with her face and half her body burnt. The College healed her as much as they could, but the scars cannot be removed. All she could do was wrap herself up to avoid stares from people.

The Master Conjurer congratulated me on conquering the dremora, and gave me a few spells to take with me. I thanked him, and said that I should be on my way. "I have dragons to fight", I said, shaking his hand. I went to the gate and looked back. I expected Phinis or the Arch-Mage to look over my departure from the College; instead, I saw Yisra, the hooded mage, staring at my direction. She was far from the gate, but she held her gaze as I thought of where she might be looking. There is something up with her. She might have lost someone too, for all I know, and sympathizes with me. Or she knows about Kiya, but that is one thing I cannot justify, given the events that led me here.

It did not end well, did it?

And so I turned my back on her gaze, and started walking down from the College. I have done everything in my power to keep Kiya safe; now is the time I dealt with the dragons.

Thawing the Frozen Heart

I've never slept so soundly in weeks. Somehow, I finally am at peace with myself and with Kousei. He may still be bound by duty to Ulfric Stormcloak's cause, but I no longer feel animosity towards him about that matter. Somehow, I finally understand how Hadvar and the late Legate Rikke had managed to maintain their comparatively pleasant manners despite the Civil War bearing down on everyone.

Master Tolfdir had frowned on me leaving the College for a little adventuring, but in the end, he acquiesced. He half-joked, half-warned me that the College won't be there to come to my aid should bounty hunters come upon me, but I assured him that Serana and I would be able to handle them just fine. In the cover of dusk, we went to the Shrine of Azura. I didn't really expect a reply from the Patron of Roses. Nonetheless, I couldn't help but try to look to Aranea Ienith for a few words of wisdom. As I expected, I didn't glean much from her, except for a reiteration of one of the last prophecies Azura gave. Hardship, bloodshed, before the dawn. I sighed. I had to move on, and not put too much hope in an obscure prophecy.

Sorry pals, synchronized dancing ain't my thing.

There was a slight snowstorm when we were in the Shrine of Azura, but the weather had cleared by the time we reached Frostflow Lighthouse. It was a curious thing, quite like the lighthouse I remember from my Solitude days. It looked especially beautiful with the vibrant auroras that came to light as we approached.

Hadn't seen any ships passing by lately.

I was careful to keep myself hidden from any watchful eyes, as I usually did. However, Serana covertly tapped me on the elbow and motioned for me to look into one of the lighthouse windows. I frowned at the thought; I might reveal myself, not to mention we'd probably be poking our noses into other people's business. Caution gave way to concern, though, when Serana told me she detected the stench of spilled blood inside. Her senses weren't lying -- the inside of the deceptively peaceful lighthouse was in disarray.

A failed attempt at chaurus pie.

The corpse of a Redguard woman was the first thing that greeted our eyes. That, and a stone-cold chaurus. It didn't take long for us to imply that Falmer must have ransacked her home. Serana and I looked around for clues, and we found various journals that shed some light as to the identity of the lighthouse inhabitants. The woman's name was Ramati, and apparently she had a husband named Habd and two children, Mani and Sudi. They were Hammerfell natives, and had only just recently moved into the lighthouse. However, we've only found the corpse of the mother. Knowing the Falmer, they must have captured the rest of the family. They might have already been killed, but there's a slim chance that we could still save them.

Who sold you the lighthouse with all its dangers? I'd like to have a word with him.

We found a key to the lighthouse basement from Ramati's favorite urn, and set out to find her husband and children. True enough, opening the door revealed the sound of scuttling chaurus feet. Two chaurus had gotten in through a hole in the wall.

Did that hole cause the entire basement to be snowed under?

I shot down the chaurus before continuing to sneak through the wall. The Falmer and their pets must have burrowed their way to the lighthouse. Given the close vicinity of the Frostflow Lighthouse to the Tower of Mzark, it's indeed possible. Blackreach is only nearby, I thought with a hint of bitterness. Memories of Kousei entered my mind before I could suppress them. It didn't help when we came upon the corpse of the son, Mani, killed by the Falmer just like his mother. For a moment, I thought I saw Kousei's face. And curiously, I felt no triumph -- rather, a heaviness in my chest.

Pincushion Mani.

The daughter, Sudi, was located inside one of the prisons. We had reached her too late, for she had already killed herself before the Falmer can take her away to a worse fate. At that point, I realized it was futile to save her father. But I decided to press on. We had to at least clear the catacombs of Falmer and chaurus. More innocents could meet the same fate as they if we don't.

She apparently keeps emergency paper and charcoal on her person.

The Falmer must have intended to use this place as a breeding place for chaurus, because the chasm was crawling with them and their unhatched offspring. Serana and I sank our boots into the chilly water as we battled the huge insects. They were a downright nuisance, being able to hit us from afar with poison that no amount of blocking can diffuse (not that I could use a shield, that is). I gathered the eggs when I could. It wasn't the best of jobs, extracting chaurus eggs from their slimy sacs. But they were useful alchemy ingredients, and I was carrying a hefty burden of more than four hundred eggs by the time we cleared the dungeon. I couldn't help but think Kousei would find this place fascinating just for the ingredients.

Dammit why did you jump in before I could take them out for you?!

We had to face off against a Chaurus Reaper at the end of the tunnel, but we won in the end. Dissecting its remains revealed the mangled remains of Habd. When I looked into his eyeless sockets, I remembered something his wife had written in her journal. He would have wanted to be interred in the lighthouse brazier when he died, so he could gaze upon the sea forever.

Nice bloody skull you got there.

The auroras still shone when we got back up to the surface. I unlocked the door to the tower holding the lighthouse brazier, and gently interred the Redguard's remains into the fire. I spent a long time looking at the flames even after they completely absorbed what remained of Habd. Now that we've taken care of the fiends that ended what would have been the happy life of his family, there was nothing binding me here. But their words of contentment and love, all written in their journals, had strangely brought out my envy. In the distance, I saw the Tower of Mzark. It was too much. I only had that detestable Black-Briar Mead in my inventory, but some alcohol is better than none.

Mmmmmmead.

I had barely taken a sip of mead when Serana reached out and plucked the tankard from my hand. It was not the time for me to get drunk, she said firmly. I confess the scene afterwards wasn't too pretty, involving stray Fireballs thrown at Serana's way and with me spouting all the swear words I could muster. But Serana stood her ground until I had calmed down, and the kind tone she used afterwards made me more guilty than ever. She had refrained from mentioning Kousei for a long time now, but now she asked me if I still loved him. My immediate answer was no, but alas, my eyes were already misting over.

Are you crying?

No, I am not.

You are.

No.

You love him still.

No. No. No. I can't, I can't, I can't. I...

Okay, I'll listen. Just give me my mead back.

...and all I remember afterwards was Serana taking me back to the warm interior of the lighthouse, where I can shed tears without them freezing solid on my cheeks. She's right about me, again. I was jealous of Habd and Ramati's happiness, for I saw in them a reflection of what Kousei and I could have been. I remember the last letter he gave. I had burned it, believing it was nothing but a ruse to trap me into betraying the Legion. But a fragment of me dared to believe that it wasn't all a lie, that he really did care for me. And I still do, I now realize. A part of me will always love him, no matter what.

Don'tlookatmedon'tlookatme.

Serana was smiling when we left the lighthouse at dawn. She remarked that the time is coming when I would not need her anymore, because much of the storm in me had cleared. I laughed, my first true laugh in a long while. And now, as I study my lessons in the guise of Yisra, I know I could face Kousei again without hate in my heart. All I would have to know now is if he would be willing to take me back, if we could somehow make things work out.

I know he has been seeking me out. I wonder if I will meet him soon.

- Kiya

Go To College, They Said

After so many failures and near-fatal poisonings (and a bad case of skin discoloration), Master Tolfdir and I finally were successful in coming up with a potion to suppress my wings. The downside (or upside, as I've come to see) is that the effects aren't permanent, and I'd have to take it every few hours lest they reappear. I'll admit I've grown fond of my wings. Although I haven't taken to flying, the child in me reveled in being able to glide across rough terrain. It was one of my few sources of happiness these difficult times.

I knew your name before I searched your corpse.

Serana and I approached the College of Winterhold from the Dawnstar side. At least we'd get to bypass most of Winterhold by that route. On our way, we encountered a fiery site by the beach side. We approached warily; some of the flames were still strong enough to cause serious burns. In the conflagration, I saw a burnt female corpse. Searching her remains revealed a necklace that has a name inscribed, Yisra. Serana pointed out a Spell Book for Flame Cloak nearby. I didn't know who Yisra was then, but I assumed that she was a mage given the book we found with her.

That eye reminds me of someone who needed a ring to achieve full power.

When we were in the shadow of the College, Serana and I decided to set up a discreet camp near the narrow sea inlet flowing underneath. As I was scouring the sand for edible shellfish, I was brought on the alert when I heard footsteps and a male voice call my name. I drew my bow and prepared to shoot an arrow, only to meet the form of Master Tolfdir. He was as startled as I, but he held up his arms while telling me that he meant no harm. He didn't know why he thought of taking a stroll by the icy sea that day, and it was by chance that he came upon me. Keeping my bowstring drawn taut, I asked coldly what he'd do now that he's found a woman with a record bounty on her head. Master Tolfdir, however, explained gently that if it's a safe haven I wanted, he could sneak me inside the College. It's strange, but I actually believed him. Something in me sensed that he was offering me asylum not because of the threat of an arrow through the head.

What happened afterwards was probably the greatest risk the College of Winterhold ever took for one of their students. Tolfdir realistically warned me that we couldn't keep my existence hidden forever from the other teachers, or Master Wizard Mirabelle Ervine and Arch-Mage Savos Aren. Master Tolfdir took a gamble and explained my situation to the heads of the College. I don't know how he did it, or if any of his Alteration prowess had any say on the matter, but Mirabelle and Savos visited my hideaway in the Midden that night. I was afraid they were there to throw me out, but to my surprise, they simply inquired if I would be willing to take on the role and name of a student. A student whose death I verified myself. Yisra.

It's the probability game again.

It was a good thing, then, that I had retrieved Yisra's necklace and showed it to Tolfdir beforehand. Tolfdir, Savos Aren, and Mirabelle Ervine all helped me perfect my disguise. Yisra was a Redguard, they informed me. No problem; I had been around a Redguard long enough to be able to adopt their manner of speech if needed. Given the nature of her experiments, I could simply don a mask or some other covering to hide a supposedly scarred face. My pale hands, I could attribute to burns discoloring my skin. The biggest challenge was of course, the wings. Master Tolfdir and I fiddled away with the Alchemy Lab for days before we stumbled upon the right combination of ingredients. But in the end, we succeeded. About a week after Master Tolfdir found Kiya near the College of Winterhold, Yisra returned to her place among the apprentices. None of them found her taciturn disposition or her manner of dress odd. The crowd of the College had their way of ignoring absurdities.

The average Nord would have disagreed.

I had exchanged a few whispered words with the Arch-Mage about their intentions for helping me, and he simply replied that magic is not bound by political factions. Furthermore, he let slip a few words remarking that I was a student too precious for the College to lose. I had gone a long way since the day I knocked on their doors requesting to be taken in as an apprentice, he said. I had to smile at the memory. I recall I joined the College around the time when the vampires of Lord Harkon's brood were still a menace, but I had been very covert about my involvement with them. While Master Tolfdir and I were concocting the wing-suppressing potion, the other teachers had lent me a magical training or two in the Midden. I must say, they did me some good, especially where Destruction was concerned.

One, two, three...

...and BOOM!

Under the watchful eyes of Faralda, I learned how to blanket the ground in fire, summon a hailstorm to surround me, and turn targets to ash with lightning. Colette Marence, bless her, made sure that I could heal myself (and others) should I need to. Although I didn't utilize their schools of magic as often as I did Destruction and Restoration, Drevis Neloren, Phinis Gestor, and of course, Tolfdir assured me that I had enough knowledge of their specializations to save my own skin. For the first time in a long while, my thoughts are channeled into more productive energies. I am finally achieving my childhood dream to become adept in magic -- the very reason why I went to Skyrim (and nearly got executed in the process). But a part of me is restless. I think I'll have to explore the area around the College a little, to keep my mind off things. It's only a matter of time before my thoughts go back to the life I left behind -- to my child, to him -- again.

- Kiya